Da Vinci's Principles - #4 Sfumato

(Literally "Going up in Smoke")
A willingness to embrace ambiguity, paradox and uncertainty.

As we continue to contemplate the Principles of da Vinci as laid out in "How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci," I think this principle is the hardest for me to approach, probably because it hits closest to home.

"As you awaken your powers of Curiosita, probe the depths of experience, and sharpen your senses, you come face to face with the unknown.  Keeping your mind open in the face of uncertainty is the single most powerful secret of unleashing your creative potential. And the principle of Sfumato is the key to that openness."

"Leonardo's ceaseless questioning and insistence on using his senses to explore experience led him to many great insights and discoveries, but they also led him to confront the vastness of the unknown and ultimately the unknowable.  Yet his phenomenal ability to hold the tension of opposites, to embrace uncertainty, ambiguity, and paradox, was a critical characteristic of his genius."

To live in today's world is to live with uncertainty, ambiguity and paradox.  You don't have to go looking for it, it exists in so many facets of our lives regardless.  I think the only people who wouldn't admit to that are the ones who are lying to themselves, which is a way of hiding yourself from the world and it's the opposite of thinking like Leonardo.  But it's so seductive in the sort of chaotic world we live in.  When you're constantly bombarded by the fearsome, the loathsome, the unthinkable, it can become too much to bear and can cause us to shut down.

The problem is that the first thing that will shut down is our creativity, which of course is our openness to new things, new connections, new realities and our key to navigating the rough waters.  New = unknown.  Facing the unknown requires a degree of inner strength and resources that the world around us tries to rob away.

Almost 20 years ago now I became very ill.  I was unable to work or really to function for about 6-8 months.  I had almost no short-term memory so that even as I was talking to someone, I would completely forget what the conversation was about.  People would remind me of something I'd said but I had no memory of having said it. To this day, when I get tired I lose words.  I can't remember words for simple things or names, never a strong suit for me anyway. For much of this time, I could only be up for several hours at a time.  Living abroad at the time it hit, I ended up having to return to the States.  I'd lost my health, my memory, my physical and mental strength, my home, my friends. It was the most profound sense of emptiness and loss I could fathom. And it was frightening because I didn't know if I would ever get better.

I only began to function again because I refused to close down.  It wasn't a necessarily or entirely a conscious choice but I knew I had to challenge myself every day.  The challenges I faced myself with in those days would seem ludicrous in any other context but it was based on asking myself to do something or to face something that I didn't know if I'd be able to do.

As I thought about my situation, the picture that came to my mind was that of a reservoir.  I had a reservoir of strength that had been emptied by the battering my life had taken with all of the losses I'd faced and I had to find a way to fill up that reservoir, at least enough to help me function through the day.  So I began to look at the things that "filled me up."  What were the things that, when I did them or was exposed to them, made me feel stronger, that lifted my head.

There were three things that were key for me.  One was music.  I identified that it was critical for me to be bathed in music for as much of my day as possible.  Music filled my room every minute I could manage. I played my guitar for as long as I could sit up and hold it. There were particular musicians, songwriters, that strengthened me even more than others.  So I surrounded myself with their music, their songs.  I love words, which is why the loss of them is so painful, but those songwriters, in the way they joined their words, lit something deep in me and I could listen to the same songs over and over again.  They have never lost their power for me.

Another was fiber crafts.  At that time, I could only knit and crochet and didn't have much money to buy supplies for either but I managed it.  There's no telling how many things I made with crappy yarn during that period but the joy was in the process of making, not in the quality of the supplies or the finished object.

And finally, for me, was prayer.

Identifying those key rivers that fed into my reservoir was what gave me the means of emerging from those dark days.  Now when I begin to feel uneasy or insecure or uncertain, I know where to go.  I've added things that give me life, that fill up my reservoir, but those three foundational things are still my keys and I still run to them in times of turmoil.

My personal Leonardo challenge to you today is to think about what it is in your life that gives you strength.  Find the things within you and around you that "fill your reservoir" and give them free reign in your life to build up the inner resources that will allow you to "keep your mind open in the face of uncertainty" so you can know the "powerful secret of unleashing your creative potential."

Creativity and Emotions

I doubt it will be news to you that life isn't always easy.  The daisies aren't always blooming and the birds don't always sing.

At the risk of being trite, we all have positive and negative emotions.  Even happy moments can have a touch of wistfulness or sadness.  Starting a new chapter of life, for instance, requires that we turn the page on an old chapter.  I love to read and the books I love most are the ones that make me sad when they're finished.  I've enjoyed living with the characters so much that I feel a loss at not being able to carry them with me anymore. Saying goodbye to them makes me sad.

On the other side, my father was a master at finding something funny in the most difficult times. He could always find something absurd that made him laugh.  There can be moments of sweetness in the midst of sadness.

Do you know anyone whose emotions run their lives?  Who is a slave to their emotions?  I'm a person of very strong emotions.  There's nothing wrong with that.  But I've had to learn the hard way that I can feel emotions and embrace them without allowing them to make my decisions and run my life.  We can make emotions the scapegoat for bad decisions and lack of control or we can harness them to bring comfort to those in hard places and peace to those in turmoil or joy to those who can't see the end of the tunnel.

Creativity is a sort of life force that is not always born out of good times. Creativity can help us see what's not there.  It can help us brainstorm our way out of a deep pit.  It can raise us above the disappointment we often feel over our own failings and failures.

What I've learned is to live and think creatively when times aren't so rough so that the skill is well honed.  That way, in the midst of the highs and lows of emotions or difficult times, I have a way to harness my emotions so they don't crush me or lead me astray.  I know how to brainstorm or see beyond the present or find new connections or find and ask the right questions. I know how to create something that's never been dreamed of before.

I'll give you one example.  I was in a job that I loved doing, working with people I loved being around.  Circumstances were such that the company  went through a variety of changes.  That's not always a bad thing except we went through several mergers and acquisitions over a short period of time and inherited a company president who was an entrepreneur trying to run a company that needed someone who could bring some structure and infrastructure.  He wasn't happy unless everyone and everything was in turmoil.

After the last acquisition, the corporate culture we found ourselves in required that everyone work all the hours God gave, even to the point of sending emails in the middle of the night that staff were expected to respond to.  I was working late into the evening every night.  I loved the people I worked directly with and the work I was doing and I knew my job but I became overwhelmed and my emotions were overwhelming.  I even had to make questions about work from my friends and family off limits because I hated the negativity it brought into my relationships.

When you're tired and overwhelmed, finding the energy to overcome seems impossible, not to mention finding the energy and time to make the break and start looking for a new job.  I didn't want to stop doing my job, I just wanted it to not be so crushing.  I've decided it was very similar to the sorts of emotions and the mindset of someone who is in an abusive relationship.  The job becomes the master and there's no way to impose your will on it.  It sets the rules and you obey or else. You need it because you have to pay your bills but it leaves you no inner resources to walk away.

In the midst of this situation, I knew that I had to find one toe hold to something that could make me feel like I still had even a remnant of control over my own life.  I had to stop the never-ending spiral of bitterness and negativity by making a decision to find a vision of life outside that spiral.  I made myself sit down and think, "What is one thing I can do right now in the midst of this?"  For me, in my situation, it was as simple as downloading several job search apps on my phone and taking time every morning before I went to work to look through the search results for that day.

My next step was to make myself take the time to build my online resume.  That was a hard one because I had to track down dates and salary information and contact information.

Finally, I began to send out resumes to jobs that I thought were in my skill set.  I had to be careful to walk the line between underestimating what I was capable of (because I felt so beat down) and overestimating the challenge I was ready to face.  In this process, I was able to regain some control over my life and I ended up finding a job that would give me my life back.  It's not a perfect job and now, a year down the road when I feel so much more myself, it's not terribly challenging or fulfilling but it's put me in a completely different place emotionally so I can now begin to build towards what I really want to do.

Creativity can do all this.  Build your creative muscles and use them so you'll be ready for your own challenges and to help those around you.