Influences

We all have influences in our lives.  Some we're aware of but most of the influences that affect us are unseen and unexamined.  Understanding the things that influence us can give us more control over who we become and can make our lives much richer.

Parents, family, extended family, lovers, friends, teachers, self-conversations, shop owners, celebrities, public figures, media, music, language, education, environment, interests, likes, hates, circumstances. We are influenced by all of the effects from the moment we're conceived.

Some influences we choose and others are thrust upon us.

We may choose to admire someone for what they say or accomplish or represent.  There's something about them that we admire and want to emulate.  We choose them to influence us so we can be like them, which is fine unless we lose ourselves in them.

Influence: the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc. of others; an effect of one person or thing on another.

Being aware of the things that influence us gives us the power to accept or reject the "compelling force" based on whether it will help us be what we need to be.  Understanding those influences gives us power over them; refusing to examine them makes us powerless in the face of them and weakens our ability to overcome their sway when necessary.

We don't have power over everything that happens to us or all of the people in our lives.  Being aware of our vulnerability to their influences can help us choose how we react to them.  How we react to them is also a powerful influence in our lives.  Our lives are influenced as much by things we hate as by things we love.

As small children, we're strongly influenced by the people most directly involved in our lives.

As teenagers, we are influenced by other teenagers as well as by fashions, trends, music, advertising, media, social media.

As young adults we are often influenced by the choices we make about lifetyle, ambition, those who can impact our career choices, dates, friends,

As we age, we can become inordinately influenced by what we suppose others might think of us or what society might say about our choices and lifestyle.

Of course, these are generalizations but my point is not that we shouldn't allow ourselves to be influenced but that we should be aware of the many ways, both subtle and overt, in which we are influenced and decide which of them get to affect us and how.

Influences aren't just personal, either.  We are influenced as communities, ethnic groups and countries.

There can be positive influences, such as courage of a Martin Luther King or Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln or there can be negative influences like the angular dour colorless Soviet architecture and aesthetic that was a  rebellion against the ornate, brightly colored, opulent influence of the Russian Orthodoxy.

Take an inventory of the things that influenced you today.  Think about the words and phrases you use.  Where did those originate?  Think about your conclusions about products or lifestyle or personal worth that were influenced by something in the media this week.  Ads, music, commentary, entertainment, social media.  What did you allow into your life that made a positive influence on you?  What did you allow into your life that made a negative influence on you?

Did those influences make you feel stronger, wiser, brighter, lovlier?

Did those influences make you feel worse about yourself, feed negatives thoughts about yourself, discourage you, abuse you?

It's important in this life of ours to make sure that we surround ourselves with influences and influencers who are going to make us better people, more caring, more loyal, braver, stronger people. That's the only way we're going to ever be able to influence those around us to become better people, more caring, more loyal, braver, stronger and help the beat go on.